Dear Woodpecker:

I hate you! STOP TRYING TO GET INTO MY HOUSE! If by some chance you succeed, you will NOT receive a warm welcome. If the cat doesn't get you and the dog will try. If the dog doesn't get you I will. I have a tennis racket and I know how to use it!

Go away!!!
Country Girl



Dear Oak Trees:

We have loved watching you and the animals you provide homes for. I know you are two of the original 7 in the 7 Oaks Subdivision but you are not leafing out this year and I know you need to be cut down. I'm working this into my budget, however, if you feel the need to fall down beforehand...please take out my house and not the neighbors. I could really use a new kitchen and fireplace and don't want my neighbors mad at me.

You will be missed. Love,
Country Girl, Hunter Boy and Ladybug



Dear Trash Man:

Thank you for never arriving at the same time each week, it really makes getting the trash out on time an adventure. While I really appreciate what you do, if you run over my trash can one more time I will make sorry...I have cat litter AND dog poop that I don't HAVE to double bag for you. bwahahahaha

Don't piss me off,
Country Girl



Dear Fellow Texas Bitches:

This trip to the store is taking way too long - I can't wait to get back to the house.

Miss you all,
Country Girl