words/phrases to remove from my vocabulary indefinately

War - Death - Visitation - Wake - Funeral - Dying - Cancer - Too Late - Nothing We Can Do

August and September and October to date have been brutally hard on my heart.

A dear friend lost her 15 yr old son in a motocross accident; another lost her step-dad; two others were diagnosed with cancer; and most recently Army Man lost his life serving our Country.

So I'm driving to work Tuesday just mindin my own and my cell phone rings. Don't recognize the number so I blow it off. Two seconds later it rings again...and then a third time so I finally answer. It was Army Mom calling to tell me that her #4 son and my 2nd "true love" had been killed in Afghanistan. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried in my car while Army Mom gave me the details.

I ran into Army Man while he was home on leave at the end of July and the kids and I went to the big BBQ. It was great to see and reconnect with his family and tons of mutual frients. Army Man and Hunter Boy really hit it off - so much so that a promise was made that now will not be kept...he promised Hunter Boy that he would teach him to shoot and take him hunting after he got back. Army Man was on his last tour and was going to retire instead of re-upping.

I get home Tuesday night and open my email and got the shock of my life when an email from Army Man popped up. He told me that things had been heating up where he was and he was looking forward to getting back to the farm and the quiet life. He had gotten the care package I sent and there were enough cookies for all his guys to have two. Lady Bug's drawings and cards were passed out and some of the guys added notes to her in the letter he sent. He said he looked forward to catching up and hanging out when he got home. (Okay this means that sometime in the near future I will be getting a letter from him - give me strength)

We have all been waiting for Army Man to come home...just never expected it to be in a coffin with a flag. :~o(

So, I'm 16 shades of blue with 10 shades of Irish temper red thrown in for sparks cuz without the Irish I'd be curled up in a corner with my head in the sand. I'm angry and so very very sad, the pain just takes my breathe away right now.

If God never gives you more than you can handle, I sure wish he didn't have so much faith in me because it HURTS!!!

I am strong and I will get through this, I am just not ready to "put on the big girl panties" and get on with life. It doesn't seem right, so I think I'll wallow awhile...